Chalk-powder is non-living

I have always had a hard time concentrating solely on something for a long time. After a while my mind starts to wander to the silliest of the things. I believe it is a natural human tendency, not a peculiar flaw in me, but what amazes me is the musings that keep me engaged (or distracted) when I should be concentrating on something. In a class which did not interest me much in school, I could think of random things.

I once remember staring constantly at the blackboard for a long time in hopes of getting interested in the words etched on it. I hadn't realised when my mind had drifted away, although I was still thinking of the words on the board. Yes I was. I tried to visualise how I would have looked to the blackboard. Was it as bored as me? A bored board who kept staring back without feeling any connection with me? Was it itchy? I would have been itchy if I were it. I mean if someone kept scratching on me with chalks, I would certainly swat at them like I would at irritating mosquitoes.

As I kept thinking, I tried to see the detailed view of the surface of the board. It probably had tiny ridges that made tiny bowl like structures that gathered up the chalk powder as a piece of chalk rubbed against the surface. The white powder would, for a while, nestle in a tiny black, uneven bowl. All warm and cozy till the ruthless duster dusted them apart. Oh that would be a sad parting. Like being wrenched away from the warm and cozy bed on a winter morning. It would fly away in little puffs in the air. Some would reach the ground to be again dusted away later, others would go down the dark and pink tunnels of the teachers nostrils to be coughed away. What was the point of such a life? To be dusted and coughed into nothingness? I was deep in the thoughts of the chalk powder's existential crisis when I heard a cough. Not a chalk powder-induced one but a deliberate cough to get someone's attention. The someone being me. Uh-oh, caught daydreaming again.
"So, tell me," the teacher asked, "what are you thinking?". I mumble something before I speak out my mind that is really just saying, "Stupid, chalk powder is non-living!"

"Scientifically" Lazy. No, thank you!

When I was in my mother's womb, her doctor declared that I would be born in April, But I was operated out in February. I was born premature, as if God was in a hurry to bring me out to the world. That was the last time I was early. Since then I have gained fame for being late for everything, maybe it is my subconscious form of rebellion for not being given a month and a half in my mother's cozy womb. No, that is actually just bullshit. I am just simply LAZY.

Whenever I have something to do or somewhere to go (on time), I start doing(how should I put it?), nothing. Yes, nothing. I'll illustrate this with a simple example. My classes begin at 9 in the morning. I am fully awake by 7:15. Then I start my daily routine of passing time doing nothing, against my own wish and inevitably, reach college 15 minutes after 9.
 In sophisticated terms, this act is called procrastination. I know that I have to do something but I postpone it, till I can hardly breathe due the stress I am inducing on myself.  I don't know why I do this but I positively HATE IT!
 The first time I noticed that I procrastinate was probably when I was 11. I was unprepared for a test that happened to be the next day. I decided to study for it and immediately decided against it, thinking that I could do it an hour later. Time flew by till it was near midnight and I was still unprepared. I spent all night studying and hating myself. I vowed to never do it again. But I did it. Again. And again. Now I can't stop.
In Psychology, we did a chapter on Freud's theory of motivation. For those who don't know who Sigmund Freud is, he was a neurologist was came to be known as "The Father of Psychoanalysis". Anyway, so according to Freud, humans have two kinds of motivation, "Eros" or the life motivation and "Thanatos" or the death motivation. Positive acts like taking care of oneself, eating, drinking, reproducing, etc fall under the first type of motivation and Acts like addiction, self-harm, fall under the second category.
 I panicked! What I do is like a death wish! No no no! Have to find a solution, now!

First thing I decided to is stop calling myself a procrastinator. The word has too much of a know-it-all ring to it and makes me only want to find the "scientific" reason behind my stupidity instead of actually doing the work.. By the time I complete saying the word, I have already lost half of my motivation. And honestly, it is just the euphemistic version of lazy. So, I have decided to call myself LAZY, every time I get the urge to postpone my work.

I start with it TODAY. Right NOW.

Awaiting February

February is the black sheep of the months, isn't it? It is the shortest of all the months in the year and only once in four years does it stay for another day. The weather is also quite pleasant during this month. It is not too cold or too hot, just in the range of pleasant. If February was a person, she would surely be quite a personality. I can imagine her to be a romantic, slightly whimsical and moody but endearing, nonetheless. The colour for this month is purple and the stone is amethyst, which is again purple. The flower for February is violet. So, purple overload! What else? I am a February born! And yes of course, Valentine's day, celebration of love, the only thing that makes humans different from animals. So, this month is definitely something special. Enjoy this month, everyone!

You look Bengali!

The world is a weird place. I'm sure I was meant to born in some other planet. Why I find the world weird is a complicated question with many different answers but one of them is "What does 'looking like Bengali' mean?". Honestly, since the time I learnt to speak, I've been hearing " You look Bengali" or "Are you Bengali?". I may walk into a place where no one knows me and someone will surely come up with one of these questions. And when I reply in affirmative, they will inevitably clap their hands together and say " I knew it!". Ironically, my Bengali ancestry from my parents is never recognised. When people realise that my mother is Bengali, they are very surprised.
 So I decided to look into it to find an answer. Turns out Bengalis are known for their big eyes. Oh yes, I do have big eyes but so do about 100 million other people, if not more. So what makes me so distinctly Bengali? So I asked a friend of mine. She told me that most Bengalis are talkative. Really? Yes I can be very talkative but it depends on the person I'm talking to. Then later on, she came up with another theory that Bengali people pout a lot. Okay, I probably laughed for an hour and spent about another hour  checking in the mirror and asking everybody around me if I really did pout. I don't. Really, I checked.

After being thoroughly confused for days I decided to Google about it. Not a good idea. All I saw were a bunches of baseless stereotypes (and I hate stereotypes) and a gazillion pictures of Bipasha Basu and Rani Mukherjee in  white saris with red border. I, for one, do not wear saris and don't look like Bipasha Basu or Rani Mukherjee. Really, I checked, again. So, all I can ever do is just ponder over this and never find an answer, unless you can help me.....What makes someone look Bengali???
 Waiting for some answer. See Ya'll. Bye.

Happy New Year!!!

I know it is really late to say happy new year now, but better late than never. And it is 2015! A whole new beginning! A new start to be more serious about everything I do or at least think of doing.Yes, the joke about incomplete new year resolutions and all that, I know. But this is the only time of the year I am bursting with infectious optimism, so I will enjoy it right now and be irritatingly positive. I keep the sardonic thoughts for the mid year.
 Actually, us Indians have two chances to start with the resolutions. One is the first of January and the other is the Indian new year(which is again different for every culture, in my case, Bengali). So, I just enjoy the freshness in January and start the real work in the other new year, or later. As you can see, I have only a little inclination to begin with actually doing anything. I just like the idea, frankly. Yes, I'm too happy-go-lucky for my own good.

This year I have made simple and easy to accomplish resolutions. I won't reveal the whole list, lest I read my own post sometime in August and hate myself for not even doing the "simple" things I planned. So, here is my easy part of my list :-

1. Get up at least 10 minutes earlier each day.

2. Eat breakfast.

3. Read more.

4. Drink more water.

5. Be happy.

6. Don't hate.

See? Simple.

I joined a book club. The age of the ladies who go there range from sixty's to sixteen. It is amazing. We sit together for 2 hours every Monday evening and discuss books, words authors and the general stuff we read. The atmosphere is nice and informal and everyone is really sweet. All the women are in different professions. They include teachers, therapists, home makers and students. Its a varied mix. I went only for one meet till now and learnt a few new words. Everyone welcomed me warmly and actually listened to what I had to say. I enjoyed it a lot.

I am excited about a lot of things this year and I am glad that I am here today to see 2015. I will begin the last year of my college this year and I just got goose-bumps while typing this. Excitement!        


A late but sincere HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone! Love to all of my family and friends and to all of those who clicked in to see what I had to say. Thank you!

P.S- I plan to update my blog as regularly as I can from now on.

Bye, see ya'll! ( By the way, someone asked me why I write "ya'll". I do it because I heard Sheldon Cooper say it and liked it a lot.)